“I don’t want to sleep in my new bed!”
“Why not, honey?”
“It’s too old.”
He has a thing about things being too “old”. When we converted his crib into a toddler bed it was “too old” even though it was clearly a new set-up with new bedding. “Old” just means “I don’t want it.”
“It’s not too old!”
My excited voice.
“It’s brand new and you have new bedding just for you and everything! You even helped daddy build it!”
It’s actually the double bed from our guest room with a frame bought at a second hand store, but he doesn’t make the connection past wondering where that bed went.
“No it’s not. It’s old.”
He has such a sad face. Such a sad voice.
I know what he’s feeling. He wants to be close to mama and daddy. He’s not comfortable with this.
But it’s time he learned to sleep in his own bed.
Each night at bedtime, one of us will climb into his new bed, read stories, and get him settled for sleep. We lie with him until he’s asleep, a necessary step at this point.
When he’s asleep, we sneak out.
I’ve looked back at him as I walk out – he does look like a small boy in a big bed. I get this overwhelming rush of love because he’s my baby. But it’s time. Besides, he’s an octopus and everyone will sleep better if the octopus sleeps in his own bed.
Inevitably, sometime before midnight (and often much earlier) he will get up. Come to us.
“I want to sleep in your bed.”
For months we alternated – one night with dad in our bed, one night with me in the guest room. We needed the sleep.
For the last few weeks we’ve been sleeping as a family. We’ve loved having him – I’ve woken in the night and watched my boys sleep and have felt so blessed – but even in a king bed it’s sometimes too much with him in there. He sleeps like a baby monkey clinging to his mother. (And I happen to be that mother.)
That night, I escorted him back to bed. Lay down with him until he slept again, then started planning my escape. But there’s no leaving. In the middle of the night his mama-presence radar is on high alert.
He woke and I resigned myself to sleeping with him.
This is what we’ll do for now – alternate sleeping with him in his new “old” bed so he gets used to it.
He was restless that night, rolling and turning, sitting up and lying down again, trying to find the right position.
Restless child = wakeful mama.
Some time just before 5 am, he woke. Sat up and looked at me.
“I want a cuddle.”
He curled himself into me.
He seemed cold so I pulled the comforter over him again, tucking it around him. Moments later he kicked it off.
Then he took my hand and pulled my arm around him, tucking it under his warm body.
I understood. He might have new bedding, but in that moment his comforter was me.
Oh my goodness, I’m in tears. It seems like a cliche to say “they grow up so fast,” but they so do. You are such a great mom, and it’s no wonder your little guy loves you so much.
You’ve captured such a beautiful moment. I love being able to visualize C wrapping your arms around him – his precious comforter. k:) x0
The love of a boy and his momma. This post glows with love!
When we moved Hayden from a crib to a bed, he figured out he could get in and out of it any time he wanted, like every 20 seconds. He’d flip on the light and start playing with toys. Or come into our room and flip on the light and want to hang out. So we removed the lightbulb from his ceiling and put up a baby gate across the door to his room. We told him the gate was to keep him safe. he seemed to to be satisfied with that. After a year, we tried to take the gate down, and he didn’t like it. Ha!
That’s so funny
We were thinking about trying the baby gate trick, but my husband seems to think C gets up to pee. Or might want to. Or something. Besides I suspect he’d be over that gate in about 2 seconds flat, so it might not work anyway. But it’s still on the list of options!
ah! this kills me! wrapping your arms around him. SO SWEET.
Solo has been in his own bed for almost a year now. However, somewhere along the line we got into the habit of reading stories til he falls asleep. (and then sneaking out) So bedtime routine is quite a long process! It bugged me, but then I figure it’ll be over all too soon and then we will miss it desperately.
Me too, Grace, totally. We’ve done about every bedtime routine in the book over 3 years (hmm, I wonder if consistency is the problem…) there have been nights I’ve sat in his room for 2 hours while he went to sleep. Drove me crazy and then I came to appreciate the quiet time. Now I’m just trying to appreciate these cuddles.
His comforter – aw… I understand how hard it is to move the babe, now becoming a boy. I used to sleep in Jack’s room when he was little just to make sure he was ok and roll him over every now and then (he had very bad acid reflux). Moving myself out of *his* room was very hard. Sounds like yours is a snuggly boy, so he’ll have lots of hugs for you in the morning!
I’m dying from the tenderness! My (almost) 4 year old often ends up in our bed. I love it but it’s really hard for my husband to sleep when he does.
Thanks for your sweet comments on M3LB. I really appreciate your visits.
That is So sweet, Robin. Kieran has never been snuggly, but I hope that maybe as he gets a little older he’ll start to do stuff like this. (Well, sleeping in his own bed though…)
I have to admit, all this time that Kieran has been sick… a tiny silver lining is that he is a little more snuggly when he doesn’t feel good. It’s a decent barometer of how he’s actually feeling.
Thank you for sharing this sweet moment with us.
Connor wasn’t really a cuddly baby, but a little more so now. And definitely at night. Totally true on the snuggles and health barometer when they’re sick.
Such a sweet post. It is hard to watch them grow up but so sweet when they like to still be the baby. Love that quote you have within the post too!
What a sweetheart. Of course he wants a cuddle.
Hang tight. He will learn to sleep in his own bed. And it will be so good for all of you to have the space. I can’t imagine sharing a bed with a toddler for that long. Because they are wonderful and sweet and precious. But they are also the most active sleepers in the world. And they kick.
Yes, they do kick. And this one flails his arms and hits me in the face. Which is sort of funny, because my husband went through a phase where he did that in his sleep fairly regularly. Clocked me good a few times. Eventually I learned to wake up and grab his arm before he actually got me
Tears, of course.
The inconvenience, and the overwhelming love. Both so raw, and so strong.
It sounds like an opportunity to build independence through trust rather than force.
I’ll have to think about it more.
Love to you both.
After a couple of other things came to my attention, I’m starting to think it’s anxiety. (Oh great, she says.) Which is okay, and maybe it’s normal. He’s finding it hard to sleep in his bed, even with one of us with him. And we’re having a harder time as a result. But it’s still early in our attempts, so we’ll see how it goes. My husband assures me he’ll be sleeping in his own bed without us by the time he’s about 21.
oooo utterly beautiful and heartrending at the same time! its sad that phase shifting and watching them grow up. i missed my boy so much when he finally left my bed after turning into an octopus as well! lovely post, glad i stopped by from the weekend linkup
So sweet! Hope this transition goes well both both C and you.