Today I start back at work after a 4 1/2 month leave of absence. People keep asking me how I feel about this.
“Anxious,” was my answer two weeks ago.
Last week, after coming home from San Diego and still on my BlogHer ’11 high, my answer was a straightforward “ambivalent.”
Now I am neither.
I met with my boss last week and got caught up on things. A few things have changed but even I’m amazed at how much hasn’t.
The problem is, my whole world has changed. I don’t feel at all like the same person I was when I left and if you’ve been reading this blog at all since April you’ll understand why.
So how do I feel about going back to work tomorrow? I feel…lots of things.
I feel ready to get back to “normal” though normal to me is different than it was before.
I feel grateful I’ve had all this extra time with my son and therefore a little sad that I’m losing that.
I feel… Well, honestly, I feel that my job is less central to who I am now.
I work in communications, which is a field I love. I used to come home and spend the evening on Twitter (my other account), chatting to people and following links and devouring information about the latest communications-everything.
I haven’t done that for months, since well before I went on leave.
My last tweet on that account was 59 days ago. Each of the mere handful of tweets I’ve posted in the last few months were either in reply to someone, directed at people I know (family or co-workers), or because my team won an award and, hey, awards must be celebrated. Oh, and one that said, “Yes, I am MIA from Twitter. No, I’m not dead.” (To which I got several “whew” and “I wondered where you were!” responses. Yeah, I used to be fairly active.)
A year ago I couldn’t imagine not throwing my whole self into my job. I loved it, so it wasn’t a chore. But in some ways I think I did it because I felt I needed to. I wanted to keep up with what was happening. I wanted to feel like I was a legitimate member of the communications community. I also had grand ambitions and when I want something I tend to pursue it relentlessly (see also: this whole blogging thing).
So I’m going back to work a different person and a different professional. My days will be spent continuing to work hard at a job that affords me lots of opportunity to learn and be creative. But my nights will be spent here, because that’s the me I want to be.
Every MONDAY join us…
Write, post, link-up, share your story and your voice.
Be part of carrying the weight of confidence, empowerment and share our mission to empower, inspire, and remind women, parents and children that the time has come to celebrate ourselves!
How you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week?
***
On another note: While I’m away today, I’m also guest posting for Zoie at TouchstoneZ. In response to her request to write about recovery, I’ve shared a bit more about my experience with postpartum rage and how I had to let it in before I could let it out. Come and visit me there, won’t you?
4 1/2 months is exactly how long I’ve been blogging, so the you that you are now, is the only you I know. And that’s the you I love. I have every confidence you’ll find a new groove at work in which you now fit, after the last 4 1/2 months.
And I’m glad we still have you at night!! #JBEalltheway
Oh wow. You’re right! No wonder you seem so special.
I’m so far behind on everything and everybody, but I saw this post and just wanted to say something. I hope your first day back goes well, and I look forward to hearing more about the new stage in your journey.
Thanks, Margaret! Just worked a half day and it was fine. A little weird, but that’s to be expected.
Thinking of you today Robin.
Youve come a long way!
I’m proud of you.
Thank you, L. xo
This different you is a fantastic one. I hope you take them all by storm, you have a lovely little harbour to come home to.
And I appreciate that harbour so much more now. Thanks
Good luck today. It’s another hard transition but one you will ease into with complete strength. You’re in a different place now, a good place.
You’re right, I am. And so life goes on.
Thinking of you— you are so amazing–strong, beautiful, and brave! So glad that you are going back in a very good place–as you.
True. I am me again and more me and I will take that with me. Thank you. xo
You are amazing. You are amazing at every single thing you do. The most amazing thing to me in this post is how you have come through this struggle with so much more balance, so much more of a sense of who you are in every aspect of your life. I’m proud of you for going back to work, and I know you will be great at it if it’s what you want to do, but I’m also glad you have so many ways to define yourself now. You are truly an inspiration.
Thank you. You are so wonderful. I consider that change in myself a gift of this whole process – one I totally didn’t expect. I know at the end of your battle you will be just as balanced and just as clear.
You rock Robin. I’m so proud.
Thanks, T! So grateful for your support.
Robin – you are a strong woman, er lady! And with your priorities striaghtened I am sure you are going to be alright at work. I hope you have an easy day and find that you can settle in well in a completely new way that fits who you are now. Blessings!
I prefer woman. “Lady” makes me feel like I should be wearing a dowdy skirt
Thanks for the good thoughts, Fenny!
Thinking of you today. I know it’s a transition, but you certainly feel ready. Thank you for sharing your story and opening up to us here. I look forward to continuing to learn all about the you you are today.
Well, I certainly didn’t picture this 4 1/2 months ago, but I’m so glad for where I am now. Thank you
Wow, what a milestone. You are such an inspiration for me.
It was a timely one for me as my boss was informed of my blog and we had quite the talk about it. I am at the edge, my job is possibly on the line all because I can’t seem to get my head straight.
Oh Jenn. I sent you a DM after you posted this, but I’ve been thinking of you all day. I’m so sorry you’ve had that happen. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.
this is a beautiful post. introspective, wise, confident, open, so many things. im so proud of your journey, and so grateful to be your friend.
also, i dont know your other account, so tweet me from there if you want me to follow it
Nah, you don’t need to follow it. Boring
Thank you for your friendship and your understanding of what all this means.
Go Robin! Go Robin! Go, go, go Robin! I am currently dancing in my chair for you and cheering you on.
Ha! I totally read that in a cheerleader voice. Thanks, Jen!
Good luck today, friend! I know you will do great. You’ve come a long way and are so much stronger than ever. I’ll miss seeing you during the day, but know that I’m cheering for you!
Thanks, Rach! I’ll still visit
I hope today is going well. And I agree–work doesn’t have to define us always, even though it used to.
And you are such a busy famous blogger these days that I can see why it’s an issue!
Ha ha. Smart ass
You’re right, and I know you know how true that is.
Good luck & thinking about you this week! I’m sure it’ll be a whirlwind as you jump back in, but give yourself some time to sit back and visualize who you are and what you want the balance to be, and you can do it. You’ve shown you can do anything, girl.
Well, when I have such amazing women as my role models, what would you expect?!
You, my friend are definitely enough! Hope today went well. xoxo
Thanks, Tonya. It was fine. Short.
xoxo
I hope your day went well! I know I’m just some stranger, but you express your thoughts and intentions so clearly that I’m confident you will remain a successful, well-rounded person.
Everyone is just some stranger at some point! Thanks for visiting
I appreciate that comment – I hope you’re right.
I hope that the first day back went well. You are strong and enough and will find a new normal that combines who you were before with the person you have grown into during the last 4 1/2 months.
Thanks, Angela. I’m definitely open to seeing where this takes me.
I’m reading this at the end of the day but I saw on Twitter that your day was okay and it was short. I’m glad to hear that. I hope the rest of the days at work are good for you as well.
Thanks, Jessica. We’ll see about tomorrow!
Robin, I was so glad to hear that your first day back went well. Your story has been an inspiration for me as I battle through this PDD/PPA.
Thanks, Jenny. Keep at it – there’s light at the end.
I wish you luck and ease with your re-entry into your workplace. I am also glad that your evenings will be spent here- being the you you want to be. Because I think that’s the you I’m going to fall in love with.
Oh Jenni, you make me swoon
Thank you.
This is beautiful and very real. Thank you for speaking about your experience as a mother who works outside of the home.
Oops! I clicked too soon.
Thank you so much for guest posting for me. It was a wonderful piece and I’m honored to have your words on my blog