The Power of Truth

It’s been five days since the antenatal depression light clicked on. Five sleeps. Five sunrise-sunsets.¬†Five turns of the Earth. And everything actually feels okay in my world.

No matter what the situation, I always feel better once I recognize it. An anxiety attack is less end-of-the-world when I realize it’s a momentary and not entirely logical reaction to something (even if I don’t know what that something is). The stones at what looks like the fast-approaching bottom fall away to reveal solid ground beneath me. And I stop feeling like I don’t know what I’m going to do next.

I don’t know if it was the recognizing of it or the saying of it or the writing of it. But that truth took away some of the power this illness has and gave it back to me.

There’s always power in truth. Whether you admit it to yourself or the whole world, saying it helps dissipate the darkness. I know this, and yet I have to learn the lesson every time.

I’m not saying everything is better or that this won’t still be a battle at times, but I am feeling better. And, for now at least, I’m sleeping in my bed instead of hiding in it.

Thank you for all the comments and words of love – both here and elsewhere.

xo

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Image credit: auro on Flickr


 

Comments

  1. Sending you my love. I have been keeping you in my thoughts & prayers. You & your words helped me so much when I was struggling. Now that you know what you ate dealing with, it becomes less daunting. Huge hugs.

  2. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I know it’s a long road, but you’re well on your way on it to getting YOU back. Take care, my friend.

  3. Happy to read this, wise woman :-)

  4. Seriously. The same way. I felt better once I admitted it. That was the first step. Then to write about it, I felt better. I literally thought I was crazy and nobody could relate. I was shocked at the people who could. Like I told you before, I never thought this existed, but since talking about it, I do feel more prepared for those attacks. It’s overwhelming to say the least, but its progress. I consider them baby steps. I love your writing. I relate so much! Thanks for being a brave woman! I appreciate it!

  5. Grateful for your willingness to share your journey. You are so right on about truth. Amazes me the time I waste trying to avoid it. This thing called ‘fear’…you are a testament to the fact that its power is small compared to the power I give it. Much love to you.

  6. It’s amazing what weight gets lifted if you unload. Hugs. We are proud of you.

  7. I wish you could experience all the joy of pregnancy. I never was able to either. I was always “hiding” from one thing or another too. I’m glad that recognizing it has helped some and I hope things only continue to get better. Sending hugs.

  8. I’m glad that recognizing it and knowing that it is fleeting is helping. I was never depressed during my pregnancies, but I’ve known the feeling many times and just knowing that you’ve seen the bottom and come back up is enough to help you get through sometimes.

  9. I so agree that saying it and recognizing it takes away some of it’s power. It grows in the dark and in secret and when you shed light on it, it somehow loses it’s grip. So glad you are doing better, Robin. Keep fighting.

  10. It makes my heart happy to read this :)

  11. I never realized I had antenatal depression until the fog of PPD was finally lifted. I look back on my time being pregnant, and it wasn’t joyful. Not at all.
    I hope you’re able to feel some joy now that you’re aware of the truth!

  12. I agree with you. Truth holds power.
    Glad you are feeling a little better.

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