A friend of ours used to be a total Facebook holdout. Wasn’t interested, considered it all hooey, didn’t want to get sucked in – he had all the usual reasons people choose not to join Facebook. And then one day a friend request from him showed up in my inbox.
A lot of people (my husband, for one) give in sooner or later (in some cases because they get tired of watching their wife’s Facebook feed over her shoulder and want to get in on the action themselves – or so I’ve heard). But this particular guy had a different reason – he has three kids, and he figured he is going to need to know what this stuff is about. Good logic, I thought.
I know a couple of people with kids below that magic age-13 mark who have Facebook accounts. At first this freaked me out. (And frankly, I’m not so sure I suddenly become okay once a kid turns 13, but this is coming from someone who thinks kids should be way older than 16 before they get a driver’s license (and here they get a learner’s at 14 – ack!) so take that as you will.) But then I saw how some of these people dealt with their kids’ accounts. They were restricted, of course, and I think you’d have to be up on all the Facebook privacy stuff in order to really be sure that you’ve done what you can to protect them. But there’s still so much they can be exposed to. And so much info Facebook (and third parties, through apps) can collect.
Does this freak anyone else out?
It’s going to be years before my kid is really a candidate for a social media account, and, at least in the early years, I think it’s relatively easy to be a helicopter parent when it comes to social media. But still — and maybe this is my anxiety monster talking — this whole thing is one aspect of parenting I dread.
I’ve had several conversations about this with family and friends and I think about this a lot – when I see my friend posting (he does seem to enjoy Facebook, despite his initial reluctance) or another talking about something awesome her daughter did and tagging her in the post.
Is that the secret – being friends with your child(ren) so you can see what they’re up to? Is this one of those put-the-computer-in-the-living-room-so-you-can-see-what’s-going-on sorts of things? Where’s the line between an appropriate amount of helicoptering and managing this for your kids to the point where they don’t truly understand the implications themselves?
This would be bad. (Source: iStock)
This came up again as part of the kIDSure Ambassador program I’m participating in (so yes, that’s what prompted this post) and of course their suggestions were around identity theft (and they’ve got some great child identity theft tips). This is another thing to worry about but of course something that’s very important to be aware of. Some of the questions coming out of that program were about having an online use contract with your kids – questions like:
What should be written into the contract?
How old should your kids be in order for it to be created?
How old should they be to go online alone?
Should the contract change over time according to various situations, or depending on your kids’ ages?
I’m not sure I know the answers to some of these questions. At least not yet. And I’m not sure that a formal contract is the way to go. Do we write something down and make our kids sign it? Or are there certain things that are just expectations – we expect them not to share certain information online with people they don’t know just as we would tell them not to give a stranger their address at the park. Isn’t it the same? Or am I oversimplifying this?
Would love to know your thoughts, especially if you have older kids. This is not something I want to screw up.
The part where I give you some resources on this topic:
Identity Guard® has been around for more than a decade, using technological solutions to protect people from the threat of identity theft. At the first sign of certain kinds of activity involving your personal information you get an alert. There’s also comprehensive child ID theft protection now available in kID Sure℠. We all know there are countless online threats, but IDENTITY GUARD helps keep you and you family safe. Get Identity Guard and the information about identity theft and how to help prevent it. If you’d like more info, you can download three free e-books.
And a disclaimer: yep, I do receive compensation for being part of this program but the awareness is worth a lot to me too.
This is such an incredibly difficult path to navigate. Just from working with teenagers in the middle school, I am tempted to ban all electronics from my house forever. I think FB, texting and Twitter has ratcheted up the level of drama for these kids. They don’t leave it at school anymore but instead come home and blog about it, text about it, and make vague (or not so vague) status updates about it. I would hold off on it as long as possible, and with having a son that might be a little easier since teenage boys don’t seem to be as enthralled with drama as much as the girls. I’d love to give you advice on how to handle it, but my only thought right now is “Natalie is going to stay little forever and not ever grow up and be a nasty teenager.” So…denial is always an option.
I have very young children too, so this isn’t yet a concern, but, like you, a fear. I think the scariest thing is how personal the devices that access the internet are becoming. It is one thing to let your kid use the family computer in the common room, but how can you keep an eye on them with cell phones, laptops, tablets, and whatever else will be must-have when my kids are old enough?
Glad I don’t have to figure this out just yet.
I have a 12 year old who has FB. Some thoughts from me:
1. FB might not even be an issue by the time your toddler is 13 the way things change so fast.
2. We gave our tween FB to keep up with the friends she made in Europe at her school there. It works quite well for this.
3. We had a big serious conversation with her before she signed up about things she can and can’t post, FB behaviors, and general etiquette (hello chain mail). Something for her to sign would have been great for reference later.
4. We’ve definitely helicopter parented by being friends with her. But that was one of the stipulations to getting an account.
5. Computer in the living room doesn’t matter anymore… kids nowadays have iPods/phones that connect to FB.
6. As for texting, some parents I know do spot checks on their child’s phone. Not sure I agree with this for privacy reasons but just the other day I was going through my Tweens music on her phone and found some very questionable music that she had to delete.
7. Make sure they understand that if they think that school is challenging to navigate, FB just adds another layer.
8. Explain that their behavior on FB is now recorded for all to see forever! So any prospective employers might be able to see your adoration of One Direction.
9. What was given can be taken away if used improperly.
10. Above all, keep lines of communication open and monitor!
Something tells me I might have to write a blog post myself on this.
Clearly my boys are no where near old enough for social media, but E knows what facebook is. He’ll see I am on the computer and if he sees the blue fb logo, he’ll say, “show me pictures on facebook.” That is all he thinks it’s for.
Of course as a high school teacher, I see teenagers with facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. Most of them seem very responsible with it, but at the same time, I won’t “friend” them, so I don’t know for sure.
It’s not something I think too much about because, honestly, by the time my boys are that age, it won’t be facebook…it will be something else.
My kids are 13 & 15, and while they both have FB accounts, they really don’t do much with them. A boy and a girl, and my daughter is less interested in it than my son. I’ve always been open with them about online activities and risks, it’s an ongoing conversation.
At home, our computers are in an open area, and yes I’m friends with them both; but there’s little to “monitor”. I’m far more concerned with Google, than FB when it comes to profiling and tracking. As far as identity theft – they don’t post personal info, very few photos, and not much activity.
Most of my son’s friends are under 13, so obviously they’re ages are a bit of a fib. I think my son says he works at NASA and a bunch of other places, I hope FB has a good time with that.
I like to emphasize to my kids that computer access is a privilege, so they know that I’ll pull the plug on them if they start acting like j*rks. In the past I’ve put time limits (see parental controls in windows) on their accounts if they get consumed by online activity. Just like anything, knowing there’s a consequence for bad behaviour helps to keep them from straying too much.
I think parenting online activity is an extension of your everyday parenting. If you’re a hyper-helicopter parent, then you’re likely to do the same as your child enters the online community.
I really worry about this too. Social media can be wonderful, but it can be really hurtful as well and I hear so many stories of teens being hateful to each other online. I’m really at a loss as to how to deal with it and who knows what social media will be like by the time our kids are old enough to know what it is. Besides, if I get my feelings hurt as an adult, I can’t imagine what it’s like for kids.