Farewell Stranger

Conversations with the Steam Cleaner

May 24, 2013 By Robin 5 Comments

Last night I decided to be a big girl and take the new medication I was nervous about taking (one reason being that it has a sedating effect so I wasn’t sure how the night wakings were going to go). The first time I got up I felt drunk, exactly as if I’d had a little too much to drink. I’m not a big fan of that, but I’m hoping it either goes away or Ethan sleeps long enough that I sleep through that phase.

Around 3:30 I came back into our room after feeding Ethan. Then Rich got up to blow his nose and I had a lovely conversation with the steam cleaner thinking it was Connor.

“Hi buddy. What’s wrong?”

The steam cleaner/Connor didn’t answer.

“Are you okay?”

Still no answer.

I sat in bed trying to remember what colour t-shirt Connor had on when he went to bed. I was sure it was a dark one.

“Connor, love? Are you there?”

Connor the Steam Cleaner was silent.

At that point Rich came out of the bathroom.

“What’s that?” I asked him. “Is that Connor?”

“No, that was me blowing my nose.”

Apparently he’s not terribly good at following along with insane conversations in the middle of the night.

“No, that. In the corner. Is that Connor?”

Rich did an impression of a dog chasing his tail as he turned around and around to see what the hell I was talking about.

“What?! Who’s there?!”

Understanding dawned.

“That thing in the corner? That’s the steam cleaner,” he explained.

“Oh. I thought it was Connor.”

“You scared the crap out of me.”

I shrugged and went back to my drunken sleep. At least we didn’t have another kid to put back to bed.

PS Don’t ask why we have a steam cleaner camped out in the corner of our bedroom.

PPS He was wearing a light-coloured t-shirt.

Filed Under: Conversations with Connor, Hard things Tagged With: depression, meds

Blip

May 23, 2013 By Robin 13 Comments

You know how sometimes you talk to your psychiatrist about developing a plan to wean off your anti-depressants but then you find yourself making another appointment to talk about how that’s not a good idea? And it’s because you’re getting mad at stupid things too often and you find yourself crying over silly things enough that you’re developing an intimate relationship with soggy Kleenex? When that happens, instead of a plan to decrease your dosage you come out with a prescription for a new medication to add on top of your existing anti-depressant.

Or at least that’s what happened to me.

I am…disheartened about this. I’m also terrified to start a new medication (and, admittedly, a bit stubborn because I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO) so I’ve had it for two days and haven’t managed to actually take it yet. Maybe tonight.

I don’t really know what else to say about this yet, but I wrote a post on my Yummy Mummy Club blog that was meant to be poignant but ended up just being sad, so I feel like I need to put this out there.

Sometimes there are just too many tears at bedtime. (And other times too. But hopefully not for long.)

Filed Under: Hard things Tagged With: admissions, depression, meds, meltdown

Moving with Kids

May 22, 2013 By Robin

We went back to Victoria recently for a few days. It was a great trip, filled with visits with friends and family and some time by the ocean. I think I needed that.

Connor did too. I know he misses his friends, and he gets SO excited when we’re going back and he knows he gets to see them. We get inundated with questions about when we’re going to see them and are we going there now and if not now when and is it time yet and are we going there NOW?

I understand his excitement and sometimes I wonder if he’ll be forever changed because of having been moved away from his since-birth friends. I mean, I know he will be changed, but will he be scarred? I hope not. As long as we visit often enough I really hope he’ll continue to have a relationship with these kids as he grows up. And this time he wasn’t too sad to leave. He did mention missing his friends and wanting to stay, but as soon as we got home he said he was glad to be back in Calgary, so that eases my mama-guilt somewhat.

No matter what, though, moving with kids is tough. Rich moved a lot as a kid and I moved once when I was almost five and then stayed in the same city until I went to university. Does moving as a kid affect your friendships? Your ability to make friends? I’ve been thinking about that.

Today I’m guest posting for Gigi at Kludgy Mom about our move with Connor and how the transition has been. I’ll also be on a panel of moms talking about moving (or not moving) kids and what our experiences have been. That’s happening at 1 pm Eastern today (May 22) on Google+ (and the video will be available afterwards in case you want to watch it).

So if you have thoughts about moving with kids or questions about moving with kids (or just want to hear my Canadian accent) come and read my guest post and then check out our Bonfire Chat on G+!

Comments here closed.

Filed Under: Guest posts, Motherhood Tagged With: family, guest posts

Time Travel Smiles

May 19, 2013 By Robin 12 Comments

A simple post today, inspired by Sarah at The Sunday Spill and her post Because Everything Feels Lighter at Present.

We stayed here —the Banff Springs Hotel—last night. It’s incredible.

My mom worked in the dining room here in the 60s. The hotel is celebrating its 125th anniversary and she went up for an alumni weekend, except—crazy lady that she is—she didn’t stay the second night and gave it to us instead. AND she took Connor home with her; we kept Ethan and had a lovely night to ourselves.

Banff is where we went for the day on last weekend’s ill-fated Mother’s Day and, at the time, we had no idea we’d be back again so soon, and in such a beautiful setting. We met my mom in the afternoon after her visits and tours etc., and had a chance to wander around and go for dinner. She told us stories about working at the hotel, some of which I knew and some I didn’t. She talked about how she ended up there and what she did. She told us who her friends were and why that time in her life mattered.

This morning we had breakfast in a beautifully furnished lounge with windows that look out over the mountains, which we had to ourselves because apparently no one else had discovered that you can sit in there. Rich mentioned that he had wandered through the gallery that showcases the history of the hotel and saw a 1920s-era picture of people sitting on the ledge right outside the window we were sitting by. The view, apparently, looked almost exactly the same. I found myself wishing someone had perfected time travel so we could go back and surreptitiously stand there as they were having their picture taken. Wouldn’t you love to have the ability to take everything you know now and go back in time to appreciate a place as it was years and years ago? I would spend a lot of my time popping invisibly into scenes and pondering what life would have been like in the same places but at very different times.

And so it was, as you can imagine, a lovely day. An unexpected, quiet night at a nice hotel is a beautiful thing, but I’m especially grateful that I got to see my mom and hear her stories in that environment. It made me smile. It’s as close as I’ll ever get to travelling back in time to be there with her when she was young.

Filed Under: Happy things Tagged With: family, favourite activities, gratitude, living life, weekends

Just Say the Word

May 16, 2013 By Robin 14 Comments

Everyone needs help once in a while.

My kids have been sick and my husband’s away and a couple of meals would really help.

But asking for help is hard.

Some days are really long and I could use a play date so my kids and I aren’t in each others’ faces all the time.

I’m lucky to be part of a group of women where this isn’t a problem.

My dad needs help and I can’t get there for a few days. Can someone help him?

Need help? Ask for help. Several will respond.

I just had surgery and I need someone to drive my oldest to school tomorrow.

Notice someone struggling? Nominate her for help. Spread the love.

Some baking would be lovely.

It doesn’t have to be big things. Sometimes the little things are what we need most.

Ask for help. Offer help.

We all need help sometimes.

I feel incredibly lucky to have found a group of friends here from whom I can ask for help when needed and offer help when asked. It really is a blessing and I wish that for everyone.