He is quiet. So quiet that it’s easy to forget he’s there. I did forget once, until I heard a squeak and thought What’s that? and remembered the baby.
I hear footsteps in the hall upstairs. The other one is supposed to be in quiet time, though with him there really is no such thing. He is not quiet. Never has been.
The silence of this new baby is unexpected.
***
We had just come home from the hospital. The baby was quiet. Sleeping. Sitting next to me at the kitchen table, Rich sent the signal across the room and the first notes danced from the speakers.
Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
It’s been on his playlist for a while now but in that moment those notes got caught in my chest.
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
The day-two tears rose, pushing past the music and breath and lump in my throat. I didn’t allow them a release.
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
No words, no questions, no what ifs. Just a time remembered when things weren’t so silent.
***
This time is different. Of course it is. This is a different baby, something I’m reminded of every time I pull off his little hat to reveal the blond hair underneath. It has a reddish tinge. We don’t know who he looks like.
I am different. I have done this before.
Some of this new-baby stuff has come back to me like the flash of a time-travel machine, leaving me in a time and place that’s disconcertingly the same but not.
Some of this is new. Feeding one while entertaining another. Really tiny clothes. The soreness.
But mostly it’s the silence that’s different.
It won’t always be this way, I know. He won’t always be a textbook eat-poop-sleep baby. Day 13 today, but how long will it last? That question sits with me now, tapping at the window of my silent experience.
He is mine. He feels so very mine, even though I hardly know him at all.
I’m trying to just enjoy the silence.
***
Lyrics: The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.
So sweet. I love that he’s so different. They each are SO different. But that’s hard to know until you meet them.
Definitely enjoy that silence. 
It’s weird – I’m still trying to get used to them being different. I’m sure it will be interesting to watch as they both get older.
How hauntingly beautiful your words are.
Such a lovely comment, Cindy. Thank you.
I long for those silent days. Enjoy the peace while you can.
Oh yeah. This will pass, won’t it?
Reading your words, I can feel the silence. And it is beautiful. Thank you…and congratulations!
Thank you, Alizabeth, so much!
Oh this is gorgeous.
So so happy you have this
Thanks, honey. And sorry if it was hard to read. xx
Silence is good. Enjoy it, Robin. I’m glad that Ethan is being so easy on you. xoxo
Enjoy him, Robin. Enjoy them both. For their differences and their similarities.
And enjoy you. And Rich too.
I will! Inspired by you and yours, I certainly will.
This made me tear up a little. He is different. You are different. I am so happy you have a bit of silence
The second one is always different. Easier, in a way. Mostly because WE know what to expect (in terms of the eating/ pooping/ sleeping), but because our brains are now wired differently, thanks to the first one.
Enjoy the silence, it’s a wonderful thing. xo
He is different, but so are you. Enjoy the silence and soak up his sweetness. xo
Beautiful to hear the sound of silence
I had an easy baby once. He’s now the most easy going 13 year old kid…and there was only one hiccup in that whole easy going timeline at about 10 months. Otherwise, he’s as laid back as a kid can get
What a wonderful set of steps along your journey.
Oh please oh please let that be true for me too.
So glad that you are enjoying the silence and the sweetness of your new little guy. Hugs.
I wish I could give new mothers in their take home pack from the hospital, is the wisdom of a second time mother. You, my dear friend, are doing a wonderful job.
Wouldn’t that be great? Best new mama gift ever.
Aching & beautiful. I am verklempt. x0x0
Thanks, my friend. Miss you!